How do you accidentally purchase a vibrating pillow? Well, I'll tell you…

I didn't realize the corduroy cushion I purchased for $2.99 from Goodwill the other day had any special features until, after hours of using it to pad the seat of my wooden desk chair, I noticed it was especially hard in the center.

When I unzipped the back (yes, it zips) and dug around in the foam stuffing, I discovered… THE LARGEST BATTERY PACK I'VE EVER SEEN. The clear plastic apparatus inside the cushion was larger than my outspread palm and contained two D-size batteries (of the four required for operation). How I missed the extra firmness and heft of this pillow in the Goodwill store and under my ass for four hours, I cannot tell you.

I'll be honest: I'm not quite sure what a battery-powered pillow is capable of. During optimistic moments, I convince myself that if I purchased two more D-size batteries and flipped the switch, it would sing me a Christmas carol.

During more realistic moments, however, I'm positive that I never want to touch my pillow again.

Stuck at 13

Ummmm, apparently, my writing is, like, SOOOO junior high. That’s according to the online Blog Readability Test that determines what level of education you need to understand different blogs. I guess that means if I had a choice, I’d be writing entries on notebook paper in purple marker, passing them to you on the way to P.E. and getting upset if you didn’t write back before sixth period. You’re lucky this is electronic.